IELTS with Mujahid · Academic Writing
Sending your writing to your instructor for review...
Compare your response against a high-band sample — don't aim to copy it, use it to see how ideas are organised and supported.
The pie charts compare the share of online retail sales in four sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.
Overall, the proportion of sales for travel and clothes declined over the decade, whereas film/music and books both gained ground. Most notably, film/music overtook travel as the leading sector.
In 2003, travel accounted for the largest share of online sales, at 36%, followed by clothes at 24%. Film/music and books were the smallest categories, at 21% and 19% respectively, with only a small gap between them. Together, travel and clothes made up 60% of all sales.
By 2013, the picture had changed considerably. Film/music had risen by 12 percentage points to 33%, making it the most popular sector, while travel fell to 29%. Books also grew slightly, to 22%, and moved ahead of clothes. In contrast, clothes experienced the biggest drop, from 24% to just 16%, which made it the smallest sector in the final year. As a result, film/music and books together accounted for 55% of sales, compared with just 40% in 2003.
Governments, companies and individuals now use technology such as security cameras and mobile phone tracking to monitor people, often without their knowledge. Although this development offers some benefits, I believe that its disadvantages are more serious.
There is no doubt that surveillance can improve public safety. CCTV cameras in streets and shopping centres deter crime, and their footage helps police to identify offenders quickly; in London, for instance, camera images have been used to solve many serious cases. Similarly, phone tracking allows emergency services to locate missing people or lost hikers, and employers can use monitoring to protect valuable property and ensure that safety rules are followed.
However, these benefits come at a considerable cost to privacy. When people are unaware that they are being watched, they have no opportunity to consent or to object, which is a fundamental violation of personal freedom. Furthermore, the data collected can be misused. It may be sold to advertisers, stolen by hackers or used by authorities to track political opponents and suppress dissent. Even people who have done nothing wrong may begin to censor what they say and where they go, creating a society in which individuals feel constantly judged. There is also the risk of errors, as innocent people may be wrongly accused on the basis of misleading data.
In conclusion, while monitoring can help to prevent crime and save lives, the loss of privacy, the danger of misuse and the lack of consent mean that the drawbacks outweigh the advantages. I believe this technology should only be used under clear laws, with transparency and public oversight.